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My Heavy Heart

I've had such a heavy heart today. Yesterday some friends of mine's brother was hit by a car while on his morning jog. The last 24 hours have been more than a roller coaster ride of emotions. He is a husband, a father, son and brother, coach and I'm sure so much more. At 3:30 pm this afternoon this world lost this 33 year old man. I never had the pleasure of meeting him but I know his siblings and I know how much I love them so I'm sure I would have loved him just the same. My heart has been torn apart all day just thinking about what this family is going through and I can't even imagine. I have felt an actual pain in my heart that aches for them.

Not long after I got this news I saw where a friend that I've known since high school changed her status to say "12 years...", I immediately wrote her back and just told her I loved her. Even though I have this date written in a calendar I hadn't kept up with it lately and hadn't noticed that this date held a empty space in my heart. 12 years ago today (my senior year in high school) some freshman girls were in a car accident. One of them was my favorite little freshman in the world, Kristen Wayne. She was the cutest, most bubbly person I knew. And her amazing love for Christ at such a young age baffled me. I actually ate lunch with her the day she was killed. I remember her beautiful smile and how all the boys loved her. I was the only teenager that she was allowed to ride in a car with. So after school every day Kristen, Alex and I would load up in my car and head to softball practice. A couple of months before she died I remember her telling me about this boy she was "dating" (if you can even call it dating in 9th grade, they can't drive yet, but hey whatever). He was the cutest boy in all the freshman class and even though I tried to talk to him at school I swear that boy would ignored me (I was trying to help his social status, haha). And she introduced me to this boy that she was dating named Chad Crawford. She and Chad had split up months before the accident but I thank her for introducing me to my now brother in law. But she's the reason I knew who he was when Chad and Alex started "talking" (dating lingo). Kristen was one of the most beautiful people that I have had the pleasure of meeting and being able to call my friend. Oh how I miss that angel and I can't wait to see her in Heaven one day! I bet she's even prettier with wings and a halo.

It's no wonder that I had a heavy heart today. There is heart ache in this day. Two people were taken from this earth way too soon! But this is when I have to remind myself of God's perfect plan. Right now (or when you're in the middle of the storm) while in the middle of tragedy it's hard to understand why God does the things He does. Why do people have to die that we feel shouldn't? As my friends say, "if we understood everything that God does then He wouldn't have a reason to be praised." It's so hard to see the big picture, because we're consumed with our lives but we are actually just a TINY piece of God's puzzle. I don't know why this happened today or 12 years ago, but I have to believe that there is a reason. God has reasons and He doesn't have to explain them to us. It's kind of like our Earthly parents telling us "Because I said so".  We just have to accept it and trust that it's right.  As mortal humans we are selfish beings and want to keep what is ours (like our family and friends) but that is not going to happen. Plus nothing is really ours, everything is His and He can take what is His anytime He wants.  But with acceptance of Jesus in our hearts and living like Him for our Father we are promised to see these loved ones again. God holds true to all of His promises and this is one of the ones I'm most happy about. Instead of being selfish we should be jealous. They are in a much better place than we are; and we will see them again.

Please keep the Ingram/Payne family in your prayers. This is going to be a rough journey ahead, especially for his 2 young children. And if you would please say a prayer for the Wayne family as well. Yes, Kristen died 12 years ago but they have to relive it every year if not every day forever and forever. I'm praying for all that are hurting and in pain. I pray for peace, understanding and for them to cling closer to Him than they have ever done before.

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