|Posted by Mandy Young on May 15, 2012 at 11:45 AM|
*Do you find that your medical issues cause trouble in your social life? When you first meet someone does your medical history come up in the first few minutes? -Amanda Moncrief
This wasn't a question that I could just answer in my Ask Away section, I'm going to need a little more room than that for this question
Let's start with the last question first. Yes, it does seem when I meet someone new my medical history is one of the first things talked about. If the conversation doesn't start with it, then it's one of the first 5 questions asked. "What happened to your leg?" And since there is no quick answer I try to tell the quick version, which normally leads into more questions and before you know it, it's 30 minutes to an hour later and I've some what covered the last 30 years! Which I'm totally fine with, it's the story that God's given me to tell and I'm happy to share it with all!
Do I believe that my social life is affected by my medical life? Not really. I mean I did miss a lot last year when I was in the hospital for the whole month of December; I missed Christmas parties, concerts and birthday parties, but that happens to anyone when they are sick, mine just happened to be a little bit longer than normal. And I did have to miss out on my senior trip in high school because that was to Mexico and Mandy can't go there unless it's on a cruise ship so that I'm able to eat and drink on board.. But, my parents took me to Disney World instead and honestly I liked that much better! As far as my social life with friends and family go it's really not that big of a deal.
Now dating.....that's a WHOLE other story! Growing up kids are vain and I get it. And even though I never had a boyfriend while I was in school I always had a date to every dance and 8 out of 10 of my friends were guys! But when it came to being someone's girlfriend that was never my role, I was always every guys little sister or the best friend. Which seems to be a role that I've hung on to throughout the years. I have dated guys off and on but my friends call me a runner, I just say God hasn't sent me "the one" He wants me to be with yet. But it is a little more difficult for me to find someone. Just ANY guy is NOT going to do. While I do live a pretty normal life for someone who has an immune problem, there are a lot of other factors that come in to play. My body does work differently than everyone else's and where that doesn't really concern him it could in the future if I got sick. I can't always just go to a hospital here, I have to go to Maryland. Sometimes I have to be pushed in a wheel chair. And it's hard when you start talking to someone that has dealt with "normal" all their life. When I start talking about what I've been through they can sometimes get overwhelmed. And that's totally understandable, but that was my life then and it's not like that now. But they don't know that and they don't get it.
But to me its like you kinda know what you're getting yourself into. Sometimes people get married and then their partner gets a disease that you never saw coming. That's when some marriages become stronger and some fall apart. You know which ones were set on steady foundation, or there for vain reasons or maybe the stress just got the best of both. This way with me you already know what you're getting yourself into, no surprises, haha!
Now going off the vain thing. I get it, I walk on crutches and have an entire leg missing. I'm not the "normal" girl. And as much as we would all like to say that we aren't vain to some degree we ALL are, some just more than others. But I told my sister a while ago and completely believe it that God did me a favor. If I had two legs yes there might be guys that would be interested in me but they aren't because I only have one leg and you see this is where the favor comes in. I don't want those jerks in my life anyway! If they are going to judge me before they know me based off of a leg, I don't need them now and I sure don't need them later. If they are judgemental like that in the beginning just about appearance then can you imagine what all they are going to be picky about later? I don't need the stress or the drama. So God's already weeded out a whole group of guys that I don't even have to bother myself with. I feel sorry for you other girls (and guys, because girls are just as bad) who have to find out the hard way.
And this is where something like internet dating is hard for me. Do I post on my page that I'm an amputee? I don't want to be judged too soon. But I don't want anyone to think I'm hiding it either. This is a conversation that a friend of mine and I were having not too long ago. He has MS and doesn't know whether to post it on his page. His case and mine are different because he could date someone for a while and still hide his disease, I on the other hand can't hide my missing leg and the questions that follow. So what do we do? Let's say I haven't posted it on my page, I get an email from a guy and we start going back and forth and then at some point I have to tell him. Which really stinks for me because you never know which way it's going to get taken and you know that if you've been talking and then all the sudden communication stops you know why! But let's say that I have posted it on my page and I start communicating with a guy and then they want to know why. So they are cool with it and then I have to tell them why. They might be able to take the leg thing but then the package of why I lost it has become over whelming. They weren't expecting to find out all that they did and they aren't looking to get into all that. Again I get it. I've said it time and time again, my life is not one that most would choose to live, but its not one that I would change a day of. And if dating is difficult because of that, then so be it.
I honestly think I could write a book about all of this but maybe this is where I need to stop for now and it will prompt more questions to answer. All I know is when I do find Mr. Mandy Young (haha) he will be totally worth the wait. I'm not willing to settle and God doesn't want me to either. He'll accept me for who I am and the way God made me and love me all the more because of it.