Mandy Young

HAPPY FEBRUARY!!!! What do you think of when you think of this month? For me it's Valentine's Day, the color red and hearts. Hence why it's also Heart Association month! And even though Valentines day is pretty much just a holiday made up by Hallmark I love it. And being a single girl you would think I would hate it, most single girls do anyway. But it's not a holiday just based on love for your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend or person you're dating. It's about LOVE....is that the only person that you love in your life? If it is, I feel pretty sorry for you. My love isn't just meant for one person, it's to be shared with the world!

I've given myself a little task for February as far as Facebook is concerned. I will write a status everyday for this month but they have to do with love. Then I started thinking what about taking it a step farther and sharing bible verses on love! I'm three days in and I'm loving it! So far I have used....

*FEB 1-"We love because He first loved us" 1 John 4:19

*FEB 2-"This is my command: Love each other" John 15:17

*FEB 3-"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them....But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High,because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful,just as your Father is merciful" Luke 6:32-36

The verse for today only helps prove my point (but even takes it another step). What I was saying earlier, God didn't make us to love one person. He tells us to love each other! But then todays verse tells us to not only love each other but to love our enemies. It's easy to love those who love us but the true test is to love someone who isn't so in to us, or doesn't like us or even hates us. Do you know how hard it is to love someone you don't even know. Or maybe it's even harder to love a person that is mean to you or has hurt you in some way. Do you see in this passage it tells us that we have to love our enemies and give without expecting anything in return....weather that be doing something nice, a thank you, or even giving love and not receiving it back. I think this is one of the hardest things we are supposed to do. We wanted to be recognized for the good things that we do but God even tells us that that's not what love is about. True love is being able to love ALL, friend or enemy. God isn't a judge of our actions, He is a judge of our hearts. So even though we may say we love someone He can tell by our hearts if we are telling the truth. He asks us to show the same respect and grace that gives to us.

So from February until forever I'm gonna love like Jesus. Love all....it is His greatest commandment.

I've had such a heavy heart today. Yesterday some friends of mine's brother was hit by a car while on his morning jog. The last 24 hours have been more than a roller coaster ride of emotions. He is a husband, a father, son and brother, coach and I'm sure so much more. At 3:30 pm this afternoon this world lost this 33 year old man. I never had the pleasure of meeting him but I know his siblings and I know how much I love them so I'm sure I would have loved him just the same. My heart has been torn apart all day just thinking about what this family is going through and I can't even imagine. I have felt an actual pain in my heart that aches for them.

Not long after I got this news I saw where a friend that I've known since high school changed her status to say "12 years...", I immediately wrote her back and just told her I loved her. Even though I have this date written in a calendar I hadn't kept up with it lately and hadn't noticed that this date held a empty space in my heart. 12 years ago today (my senior year in high school) some freshman girls were in a car accident. One of them was my favorite little freshman in the world, Kristen Wayne. She was the cutest, most bubbly person I knew. And her amazing love for Christ at such a young age baffled me. I actually ate lunch with her the day she was killed. I remember her beautiful smile and how all the boys loved her. I was the only teenager that she was allowed to ride in a car with. So after school every day Kristen, Alex and I would load up in my car and head to softball practice. A couple of months before she died I remember her telling me about this boy she was "dating" (if you can even call it dating in 9th grade, they can't drive yet, but hey whatever). He was the cutest boy in all the freshman class and even though I tried to talk to him at school I swear that boy would ignored me (I was trying to help his social status, haha). And she introduced me to this boy that she was dating named Chad Crawford. She and Chad had split up months before the accident but I thank her for introducing me to my now brother in law. But she's the reason I knew who he was when Chad and Alex started "talking" (dating lingo). Kristen was one of the most beautiful people that I have had the pleasure of meeting and being able to call my friend. Oh how I miss that angel and I can't wait to see her in Heaven one day! I bet she's even prettier with wings and a halo.

It's no wonder that I had a heavy heart today. There is heart ache in this day. Two people were taken from this earth way too soon! But this is when I have to remind myself of God's perfect plan. Right now (or when you're in the middle of the storm) while in the middle of tragedy it's hard to understand why God does the things He does. Why do people have to die that we feel shouldn't? As my friends say, "if we understood everything that God does then He wouldn't have a reason to be praised." It's so hard to see the big picture, because we're consumed with our lives but we are actually just a TINY piece of God's puzzle. I don't know why this happened today or 12 years ago, but I have to believe that there is a reason. God has reasons and He doesn't have to explain them to us. It's kind of like our Earthly parents telling us "Because I said so".  We just have to accept it and trust that it's right.  As mortal humans we are selfish beings and want to keep what is ours (like our family and friends) but that is not going to happen. Plus nothing is really ours, everything is His and He can take what is His anytime He wants.  But with acceptance of Jesus in our hearts and living like Him for our Father we are promised to see these loved ones again. God holds true to all of His promises and this is one of the ones I'm most happy about. Instead of being selfish we should be jealous. They are in a much better place than we are; and we will see them again.

Please keep the Ingram/Payne family in your prayers. This is going to be a rough journey ahead, especially for his 2 young children. And if you would please say a prayer for the Wayne family as well. Yes, Kristen died 12 years ago but they have to relive it every year if not every day forever and forever. I'm praying for all that are hurting and in pain. I pray for peace, understanding and for them to cling closer to Him than they have ever done before.

I thought I would once again update you guys on what's going on health wise. I went back to Maryland last week. The original plan for this trip was to have a CT and then have the stent removed. But to much of all of our surprise the CT didn't look that great. There were still signs of infection and lots of inflammation. The infection that they found we aren't sure if it's old or new. Rockdale had not sent the NIH the scan that had been done the day before I got discharged to show how much improvement there was once they drained the abscess. We had to request those scans which were being Fed Ex'ed up there but they still weren't there by the time I left. They said that if it's old infection, basically what was left over from the abscess then it's okay and there really isn't that much left and it could just absorb into my body over time. But if the abscess was completely drained and this is new infection then we need to be worried. Plus the inflammation throws up another red flag. It had been about 4 weeks since I had had the procedure and there was still a lot of swelling (around the stent area) and they could even see the pathway of where they drained the abscess on the scan. I have been on antibiotics since I was released from Rockdale and all of that should have been cleared up by now; but it's not. With all of that being said I have now been put on two extra medications to help fight what else might be going on in there. I'm staying on the first just in case this is the same infection that isn't completely gone, so that should help clear that up. The other two are to fight something that we haven't found. That's the awesome (yes that's sarcasm) part about my disease. My body creates it's own storm. The original storm was man made but my body could be doing what it likes to do for fun and causing it's own problems. So these two extra antibiotics are to help cover anything that we might be missing or that my body could be hiding right now. I'll go back in a few weeks to get everything checked back out. Hopefully everything will be clear and the stent will be ready to come out.

But all is well no worries. Like I've said before I know that God has His hands all over this and it's not about IF I'll get better its WHEN will I get better? Until then I'm fine. He's teaching me during this time, now I just have to learn

.Okay well a little set back tonight. The trip up here was pretty good. While checking in at the airport we got to check our luggage for free! Awesome bonus!! Once I got to the NIH I checked in, got an IV ( it took 4 sticks), got a CT, blood draw, and I've kinda been relaxing. One of my doctors came in tonight to go over all my blood work and CT from earlier. Well there is fluid still in the pocket from where the infection was. Right now we aren't sure if it's old or new. If it's old it's okay and they think it will absorb in to my body. But if it's new then that means that the stent hasn't fully healed. The stent will have to stay in and the fluid will have to come out. I dont know if that means more meds (I'm sure it will either way) or what. I really dont know either way. So our plan of action tomorrow is to get the last CT that I had done at home. We have to find out if this is old or new fluid. I guess I'll let yall know more tomorrow when I know something but that's the news for now.  We are hoping it's old fluid but even if it's new that's okay.  We will take care of the problem at hand.  I'm back in the care of my NIH doctors and I know we will get this fixed.  No that my doctors at home aren't wonderful but the NIH knows my body better than I do which is comforting.  So please keep up the prayers!  Prayers in numbers really do work and I know that the big man upstairs has His hands ALL over it.  As much as I want this stent out I dont want to cause other or new problems and I'm in high spirits about it all.  No worries here. 

It's been so long since I have gotten to blog or really like the last blog I just haven't felt good enough to write one. So lets see if I can catch you up on what's happened since the last time I wrote. I had the first stint taken out 12/16/11. But when they were trying to take it out my ureter started to collapse and the doctors has to immediately put another one in. This one is smaller around but it's still 13 inches long. My body doesn't like this one either but it's adjusting better to it then the first. The reason they had to put another one in is because if your ureter collapses then you go into kidney failure, and I can't have that! My doctors told me after this second one was in that it doesn't really matter weather my body likes it or not this stint has to stay in for at least a month to try to heal the ureter. I was discharged from the hospital in Maryland on 12/17/11 and got to come home. I think that when everyone found out that I got to come home that they all thought I was better, but that was so far from the truth. My doctors had basically told me; you can either lay in the bed here or you can go home and lay in the bed there. I had already been up there so long I was ready to come home. Mom and I got home that Saturday night and were greeted at the airport by my dad, sister and brother in law. Then we meet up with my aunt, cousin and grandmother. Sunday was a rough day, we thought it was because of the traveling the day before. Traveling is hard on your body and especially from all that I had gone through. Monday I was even sicker. I still wasn't eating or drinking, but my mom kept trying to get me to drink (we knew I had to) but even when I would try a little it couldn't stay down. Monday night had gotten a little better but then 5:30am Tuesday morning I woke up VERY sick. That's when mom told me to load in the car (with my trash can in hand) we were heading to the hospital. We both knew I needed fluids. We went to our local hospital. I can envision myself right now like it's an outer body experience and I was sooo sick. They took me back started an iv, drew blood, started getting my medical history (yeah that's like an hour discussion) then I was taken to CT to make sure that the stint was in place. Within 30 mins having that done my doctors in Maryland called (they had been talking to the local doctors) and I had a horrible infection at the bottom of my ureter and it had to be taken out immediately. I was admitted in to the hospital and had the procedure done to take the abscess out. And for the next 4 days I laid in the hospital on iv's. I was placed on two very strong antibiotics to try to kill the infection.

Honestly being here in the hospital makes me nervous. If something is going on I want to be in Maryland. They know me and my body and how it works. And if I'm going to be here I'd rather be at say Emory. We have had a couple of not so pleasant experiences at our local hospital but I have to say that they were on top of their game this time. They were great! I believe that God totally had his hand all over the thing but they did a great job. Plus it was kind of nice being so close to home. Friends were able to come and visit which I've never really been able to have in the past. My sister got to come on her lunch breaks and after work which was nice.

I had already prepared myself that I was going to be in the hospital (weather that be here or in Maryland) on Christmas. As upset as the thought made me at the beginning of that week I was completely fine with it the closer Christmas came. I came to the realization that it wasn't the end of the world if I spent one Christmas in the hospital. I have spent many of birthdays there, and while I have come very close I've never had to spend Christmas there. Luckily Christmas Eve morning my doctor came in to tell us that the medicine that the infection was responding to was a drug that could come in pill form and that I could come home. So Christmas Eve afternoon I was discharged and was able to come home and spend Christmas with my family. It was better than wonderful...it was glorious. I didn't feel great but I was spending Christmas with my family at home. One of my best guy friends even showed up at my house Christmas morning dressed as Santa

That following week I stayed at home in bed. I rang in the New Year sitting on my couch with my parents plus my aunt and grandparents from NC. This week I started trying to go back to work. Taking a shower still just about wipes me out but I'm TRYING to get back to normal it's just not moving so fast. Out of the 4 day work week I worked one full day (which was not so smart of me) and worked 3 half days. I'm trying to get back to my normal schedule but my body isn't okay with that so I've still gotta take it easy.

I have to check back in with my doctor this week to have my levels checked out to make sure I'm still looking good. I will go back to Maryland on the 17th (as long as everything is okay this week, if not I'll go back this week). I'll have a CT done on the 18th to check on the stint. My hopes for this trip is that if the stint looks good and healed then I'll have it taken out while I'm there but if it's not looking good then I'll have to keep it in. But there is still the worry that if they do end up trying to take it out and my ureter starts to collapse again then they will have to put another stint back in and I'll be back at square one.

So that's pretty much my last 3 weeks. I would love for y'all to keep the prayers going (I'd love your prayers every day). If you'd like to know specific things you can pray for....the healing of the stint and removal, a safe trip to MD, sleep (I'm not sleeping well at all, even taking meds), back pain and for me to get my "Mandy-ness" back. Thank you all for your prayers, emails, texts, and everything else.

I’m sorry it’s taken so long to give everyone an update of what’s going on and why I’m in the hospital but I haven’t had a computer and honestly I haven’t really felt that great to be able to post anything.

A couple of months ago I found out that I have a cyst on my ovary. During that I also had blood in my urine - which I knew wasn’t normal. But after seeing doctor after doctor we started treating the cyst. Then I saw a Urologist but the bleeding had stopped and he couldn’t find anything. So I went along my merry way just worrying about the cyst. Over the course of the next month and a half the cyst continued to grow. And then a week ago Tuesday I started having blood in my urine again. Frustrated with it all, on Wednesday I emailed my doctor here at the NIH. They knew everything that was going on, but after that email a flight was booked to leave that night to come up here.

Dad and I started this little trip thinking that we would be here to have tests Thursday and Friday and then we would either go home Friday night or Saturday. Thursday were the tests for my cyst. Which had gotten a little bigger, it’s gone from 2.9 cm to 5 cm. So we switched up my medicine to see if that would help the situation. Then it was off to Urology about the blood. They took samples and found traces of blood so they decided that they wanted to scope me on Friday. Friday after noon I went down for the scope. Once they got in they saw traces of blood and wanted to travel further up into my kidneys but there was a problem the Ureter (the tube between your kidneys and bladder) was too tight to get the scope through. They decided they needed to put a stint in to widen it and would take it out Jan 10th and then try to scope again. They had also dilated and ballooned my bladder. When I woke up in recovery I was in serious pain. Friday and Saturday were awful days. I couldn’t move, I would have to lay in the fetal position on my left side. They were giving me all kinds of pain meds. I couldn’t eat or drink anything and if I even attempted to it just came right back up. They said this is not a reaction that someone normally has to this procedure. They right away began talking about taking it out, but the problem is if you take it out too soon then the Ureter tube might close up all together and that would cause more problems. The Urologist said they had to wait at least four days before they could take it out but really wanted to wait longer than that. The four day mark would have been this past Tuesday. Tuesday came and I was still in pain but all of my doctors involved are still worried about my Ureter closing up. Basically we have been going day by day just hoping that it’s going to get better and that I can go home with it still in and have it taken out in Jan…..it’s now Thursday and I’m still in pain. Less pain, but still in pain.

Yesterday I tried taking a shower, putting on a little make up, doing my hair. By the time that was all done I was light headed and worn out. Then Mom took me downstairs to have lunch after we were gone for about an hour I couldn’t take it anymore and needed a pain pill and wanted to come back and lay down. Today I skipped the whole shower thing, we went back downstairs for lunch but I was so uncomfortable I couldn’t stay. Even though I’m in a little less pain doesn’t mean I’m back to normal. I’m in level 3 to 5 pain instead of 8 or 9. And there is no way I could come close to doing anything that I normally do all in one day.

There has been talk about taking the stint out tomorrow but that decision hasn’t been made yet. There is also the chance that I’m going to go through the pain again once they take it out. I’m praying that once it comes out I’m going to feel back to my old self and that there are no problems that occur.

Being gone for the last 8 days has been kind of tough. Dad was here with me until Monday and then Mom came up Tuesday morning and is staying with me the remainder of the trip. I am so thankful for my parents. It doesn’t matter that I’m 30 years old they drop whatever and will still be by my side whenever I need them. I’m sad that I haven’t seen Chad, Alex and her Charlee belly in over a week. I’m not used to going more than two days seeing my sister so this whole 8 days (and more) is not cool. Christmas is my favorite time of the year and I’m having to miss it. I’ve missed three Christmas parties this week. But that’s okay my health comes first. A funny thing is normally I’m all worried about money and paying my bills. I have now been gone from work for 6 days which means I wont get paid but honestly I haven’t really even thought about that. I know God will provide….I have bigger issues to worry about than my phone, car or car insurance.

I would like to thank you all for your prayers, comments, texts, messages, voicemails, and any other way you’ve contacted me. I love you all and I love knowing I have people in my corner! Some have asked how can you specifically pray…..pray for this pain to decrease and for the stent to do it’s job. Once the stent is out for my Ureter not to close or rupture. Honestly I know God has His hands all around me. During this entire thing not one time have I asked, why me? I know that this is just another task that God has for me and I’m doing it for Him. I will do whatever he asks. I don’t know why He chose this, but do we ever understand some of the things He does? No we don’t and one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is don’t question God. It’s worked for 30 years and I’m not about to start something like that now. Don’t worry, my spirits are high and I know everything is going to be just fine. Cause He’s got my whole world in His hands

I have wanted to write a blog all day but I have been on the verge of tears all day (thank you stupid cyst) so I waited until I was at home and could cry if I needed to. My co-workers have seen me a cry enough lately ha-ha.

Huge news hit our family last night. Two years ago in April my cousin was murdered. Within the week that he was murdered police were able to arrest the three men who were apart of this horrible act. Over the last year and a half we have been worried sick that these men were going to get released and be out amongst the world once again. My family (my uncle, aunt, and cousins) have all been to the court house during the trial and I have worried about my families lives because these gang members know what my family looks like and maybe other details about them. These horrible men do not need to be out living like the rest of us, they have already taken my cousins life and I don’t want the possibility of someone or another family having to go through what our family has. Yesterday all three men were sentenced! One got 12-15 years and the other two got 28-35 years! Justice has been served! We don’t have to worry that these guys are going to be out any time soon. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about Zach or the day he was killed. My heart breaks for his parents, sister and brother but mostly for his son. Jax was only 3 when his father was killed. He has been told that his daddy is gone to work with Jesus and recently asks more and more when will daddy be done working with Jesus because he misses his daddy. He doesn’t understand and he won’t for some time. That’s not fair for a child that young to have to go through. But it’s up to us, his family to let him know what a kind hearted sweet soul his daddy was. Yes rough around the edges and got mixed in with the wrong crowd but was the first to help his family and loved to be with us. And now as I had predicted earlier….the tears are rolling. This verdict isn’t going to bring our Zachy back but it is some kind of safe closure.

Okay on to a happier note….more family news! Today is my parent’s 33rd wedding anniversary!! Wow, how amazing! I can’t even imagine having a relationship for a year, but wow 33! Hopefully one day I’ll know what that kind of love is like but for right now I’ll just keep taking notes from my parents. As all know I have an amazing family that I look up to and enjoy more than you’ll ever know. My parents met while in high school (different high schools mind you). They graduated in June, my mom turned 18 in October and they were married in Dec. Two and a half years later they started their little family and 9 months later is when my life threatening infections started. They were barely 21 and had to grow up very very fast. They had no idea the life that God had in store for them but MAN how they’ve handled it. They have set such a standard and are A-MAZ-ING examples to Alex and me. I have seen hospital families fall apart time after time, but not mine. We stick together through thick and thin. Nothing comes between us. And I’m proud to say that I believe that Alex and Chad will have that same kind of marriage. They remind me so much of mom and dad and Charlee is going to be such a blessed little girl. Mom&Dad thank you so much for the love and the family that you have made. I can never say thank you enough for all that you do and all that you are. Thank you for being the type of parents that my friends and I wanted to hang out with instead of be embarrassed by. Thank you for being strict and going against the grain while Alex and I were growing up knowing it was for our own good and not just letting us do whatever we wanted. We are so blessed beyond any words could say to have you as parents. I love you both more than you’ll ever know.

Okay crying again! But my family is such a soft spot in my heart and this is why I knew I had to write this while I wasn’t at work!

I can not even begin to name all the things I'm thankful for in my life. I would keep you here all day. But I'll highlight a couple. My family is always my number 2 (and yes they know that and I'll explain further later). My family is one of God's greatest blessings to me. I'm sure I have said it before but they are my soul mates! And I'm not just talking about my immediate family I'm talking extended as well!! Plus the fact that there are going to be two more babies entering my family in March! No Alex isn't having twins, our cousin is having a baby too! So of course that is exciting!

I'm also thankful for my health. I'm going through some medical things right now but I'm getting through it. It's more annoying than anything else. But other than that everything is dandy! I have to be honest though It's something that I even take for granted and I shouldn't. Although since I do know the hospital life all to well I do understand a little more to be thankful for my health.

I am so thankful for the people that are in my life! I love people and the ones that join me on my journey of my life. They make my days happy! Therefore I'm thankful for my friends, my bible study girls, my co workers, my gym buds, and all those people in between!

But I'm also thankful for my Heavenly Father....He's my #1!! He is the reason I am who I am and who I can be! And with Him in charge of my life I can do anything. I want to be in the center of His will. I thank Him for His Son who died for me (and you) so that we could one day live with them in perfect harmony and everyday will be awesome!

These are the things I'm thankful for. I'm such a blessed girl! It's hard not to get wrapped all up in worldly problems and issues. We have to keep in mind what is really important. We have to remember we are not measured by the worlds standards we are compared to Jesus. So yeah we got some work on ourselves to do. No we aren't perfect but God already knows that, we just have to follow the example that He gave us! We have to keep in mind that His plan is always better than our own. I bet if you looked back on your life right now on the things you really wanted and prayed for but didn't good you are now thankful for that (I know I sure am). He's plan is always better, he knows what's best! And even know I know these things I still struggle on the daily for appreciating it all and telling Him thank you! And Thanksgiving Day made me realize that even more! So I would like to stop and say Thank You! And during my day I need to thank Him more and more! So from now on I will stop wrapping myself up in me and will give thanks to Him!

As y'all know a couple of months ago The NIH got a Lasker Award (as if I haven't bragged on it enough) and for that we had to tape a video to go along with it. I sat facing a camera and off screen sat the interviewer asking questions and then I would answer. You know pretty standard stuff. The questions were pretty normal; my name, my disease, why I started coming to the NIH, and how is it different then other hospitals. And then I was prompted about comparing the NIH and the medicine they use and how I got to come there to magic. I looked at the interviewer and said I'm sorry I don't think I can answer that question. He looked at me a little puzzled and I explained to him about how I didn't believe in magic. I believe in God. It's not an accident that the NIH was brought in to my life and I in to theirs. God has this master plan and this was all apart of it. Medicine, science, me and the NIH are all missing puzzle pieces that God had already mapped together and then put together. It's not magic. Everyone knows that magic isn't real. But what the NIH and I have is very real. I have a God that is very real. And He has plans that are very real. So nope I can't blame or compare this to magic in anyway. He sat back and was like okay and then continued on with his interview. Afterward a lady that works for the hospital came up to me and said I'm a believer too and I'm so proud of you for answering the magic question the way that you did. I told her I knew I'm sure it wouldn't make the video but hey I put it out there. (It didn't make it)

This is also the same way I feel about people telling me I'm lucky to be alive. I'm not lucky, I'm blessed! I'm blessed in all that I have. Luck is pretty much like magic. I don't really believe in "luck" and I'll use the term lightly like when someone gets a day off of work that you normally don't I tell them they are a lucky duck, but when I'm talking about getting to keep my life....that my friend means I'm blessed.

"Today is not my favorite day but it's for sure not my worst." As I was driving back toward my office finishing my lunch break today with tears filling my eyes wanting to spill out, that was the thought that came to my mind. In the last month to two months I have been battling some medical issues. I've shared little bits and pieces on Facebook and twitter but haven't really gone in to it all and I'm not really now. But know that I'm totally fine and I'm working my way back to "normal". (I use normal that way because there is no such thing as normal) The short story is my hormones are all out of whack and have me on an emotional roller coaster from time to time, today being one of those days. And on top of that I might have some kidney issues going on and today I happen to be in pain. I'm toughing through to discomfort to come to work but it's hard to be happy go lucky Mandy when all I want to do is cry and lay in my bed. Luckily it's getting better as the day goes on.

So anyway I'm driving back to work and this thought pops in to my mind, today isn't my favorite day but it's not my worst day...and I started trying to think of what I would consider my worst day being. I thought I bet I know what others would say I would say my worst day would be and I bet they'd say the day I lost my leg. But I don't think it would be that day. If I think back to then I can't remember it that well. I was in pain and if I could vividly remember that day and what that pain felt like then I might consider it but I guess it's like child birth where you forget the pain. The Lord let me live to see another day and while that was tough going through it I don't think it would be my worst day. I was put to sleep and I don't really remember that day. And it wouldn't be the day I woke up and found out I was an amputee. That wasn't life changing in my mind. I didn't freak out, I didn't cry....I accepted and moved on. The more I think about it I try to remember what I would consider to be my worst day and luckily I can't come up with anything.

Yes I know that sounds strange. But when I think of my awful sad depressing days I would think about what happened because of that or the lesson that I learned. Basically the good that came with the bad. And I thought the Lord has been with me through all of that and He continues to be and with Him I can get through anything. I never want to test Him because I know that things could always be worse. Even when I'm having a horrible day you won't hear me say, things couldn't get worse because I know that they can! There is ALWAYS someone out there that has it worse than I do. And then I would try to think of what was worse and then I would think the Lord would be with me....and then that just makes me stop and think of how wonderful it is to know that He is always with me and will help me through any and every struggle that I face. I love knowing that. And with Him everything is possible and with Him I can do all things.

Now I the day that when someone close to me like someone in my family dies that will be the worst day ever. But I know with the Lord I will be able to get through it because of Him. Plus the promise that He has given me that I will get to see them again. And we will be in such a better place. I place with no tears, no sadness, and no more bad days. Okay just thinking about all of this I have tears streaming down my face, and I'm sitting at my desk at work (not good)!! So until our first day in Heaven I pray that we remember our worst days can always be made better through Him. He will get us through all and knowing that He's even using these bad days to molds us in to the people that He created us to be.